It could be you!

Do you know what annoys me? Well, there are a lot of things that annoy me - people accusing me of being a Geordie, the fact that I'm almost sure that my neighbours are drug dealers but not sure enough to report them or blackmail them, the fact that I am stereotypically blonde and girly when it comes to DIY (as my chair-fixing and wall-painting disasters will attest to. I would say that I hope my landlord doesn't read this but after Friday's incident I'm not convinced my landlord can read) and the fact that I get hazardous chemicals in my eyes on at least a weekly basis.

Today's annoyance, though, is the lottery. Sundays and Thursdays are always tragic times for me. There should be a 12 step program for the lottery - everybody's always saying how you can become addicted to heroin after using it once, but nobody seriously warns you about the lottery.

It took me a while to get into it, because my mother used to complain about it all the time and moan about where the money went, so I always thought there was something intrinsically awful about the lottery. Then again, whenever my mother went to vote, she'd refuse to tell me who she voted for - she told me she wasn't allowed to, because it was a secret. For a long time, I thought politics was like Freemasonry.

Anyway, I just used to do the lucky dip - why not, I thought. Someone's got to win it, it's a bit of fun and I can at least hope it'll be me. It never was, but it always seemed like the next week, the numbers I had last week came up. So I decided to use the same numbers every week.

Now, I was very careful about this. I read that you shouldn't use birthdays because then you'll never have a number higher than 31. So I did a little fiddling to make it work - my birthday is 26/12, so I added those together and had the number 38. I did the same with my mum's birthday, my best friend's birthday, my niece's birthday and my dog's birthday (twice). Sorted. I put a lot of thought into my lottery numbers.

But I still haven't won! I haven't even won a tenner! What's that all about? At first, I genuinely believed I was going to win the jackpot. Every Wednesday and Saturday I'd be there on the edge of my seat, waiting for the draw. But now it's like when I was at school, and I used to hope that I'd wake up to snow so I wouldn't have to go. But my hopes were always in vain, because it was June (and despite what Vanessa Williams says, I'm still not convinced that the snow does come down in June. Especially not in Redcar). And also because I had to go to school in the snow anyway. So actually, it's nothing like that.

Anyway, last night my friend was round and we were watching Britain's Got Talent and I was painting my toenails - Saturday nights are a hub of activity in my house, as you can see. I realised the lottery had been on, and wondered aloud whether I had won. He said, "bloody deluded people." Now, I'm not sure if he was talking about the people on Britain's Got Talent or people that do the lottery, but he's right! I am deluded! But I can't stop playing the lottery, because what if I don't buy a ticket and my numbers come up? Before I got my fastpay card (a truly heavenly invention), I used to panic in case I didn't put the lottery on on time. I am actually addicted.

And the advert! I can't find it anywhere to show you, but you know the one - "let's hear it for the optimists" and all that. It makes me feel like playing the lottery means I'm a fantastic person. That advert is like the Marlboro Man of the gambling world.

But then, playing the lottery is far better than smoking. It costs a lot less, for a start - the lottery only costs me £2 a week, and they never put it up when they do the budget. You're not banned from playing the lottery in pubs and people don't give you dirty looks when you play the lottery in the street. Also, the lottery gives you a chance at winning a lot of money, no matter how miniscule that chance is. Smoking has never given me that chance - the only thing smoking has given me is an increased probability of a premature death and yellowing fingernails.

So, really, all things considered, I don't think the lottery is that bad.

You know what else really annoys me, though? That Bridget Jones style advert. I think it's for Activia. That's just crap, isn't it?

The man upstairs is ACTUALLY a man upstairs and he has driven me insane

I am feeling quite angry today, mainly due to the neighbours from hell, but also because of the amount of stupidity I have seen expressed on the internet.
So, to take my mind off that, I'd like to share with you three things that really annoy me.

• Anything that amounts to "blah blah benefits/welfare blah blah taxpayers' money blah blah sit on their arses all day blah blah get a job". What a load of bullshit. If you're against benefits/welfare because you 'don't like paying for someone to sit on their arse all day', come here, try and justify yourself and I'll tell you why you're full of shit.

• "Political correctness gone mad", when what you actually mean is "I am a straight, white, middle-class man - how DARE they give someone who ISN'T LIKE ME the same rights to dignity, comfort and happiness that I have?! How rude!" If you use the phrase 'political correctness gone mad' to describe things such as gender-neutral toilets, legislation against hate crime, etc, come here, try and justify yourself and I'll tell you why you're full of shit.

• Anyone who says being gay is a choice. What the hell? That's not even a logical thing to say. If you believe this, come here, try and justify yourself and I'll tell you why you're full of shit and also kick you in the balls.

This post doesn't have a title

Today was my last ever lecture which means I get to be all soppy and sentimental. In fact, that's what this post is about.

In my class today, we were talking about writing our reflective statement. It's 1000 words, 25% of our grade for this module and it's pretty much just talking about how the module made us feel. We have to back it all up, though, with literature and academia.

I think this gets drilled into people and it takes over their lives. University is an experience just like anything else, and the academic side is not the most important part of it, I don't think. Too many people, especially very academic people, live their lives based on logic and rationality all of the time. These are the people that say they don't believe in love and these are the people that dismiss emotions as silly and sentimental and they're proud of that.

Don't be proud of that.

The most important thing in life - people. No man is an island, as they say. Even if you don't think you rely on other people, you do. If you don't have any friends or family, you've still got people. People in shops, your bank manager, all people, and a people you need to have some sort of relationship with, even if it only lasts the 30 seconds it takes to buy your paper. People are not logical and rational. People have emotions. People are sometimes angry, sometimes irrationally. Sometimes they're sad, sometimes irrationally. Sometimes they're happy, sometimes they're excited, sometimes they're nervous, sometimes they're awestruck, and yes, sometimes they are silly and sentimental and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Sometimes they laugh at things that might seem small to you, and sometimes they cry over things that might seem small to you. Sometimes they laugh and cry over bigger things. Let them do it, appreciate the fact that they're doing it. Appreciate the fact that they are living their lives. Let people be passionate about things that you might see as silly. Chances are you wouldn't be where you are today without the people who were passionate about something.

Some people get very jaded and cynical and some people are proud of that, too. Try not to become too jaded, or you'll miss out on a lot. Don't be naive. Don't take everything at face value. But let yourself be excited over the little things. Let yourself be awestruck sometimes. Remember those silly and sentimental people? Don't write them off. Don't write off the things that make them smile, or cry, or laugh. Try to open your heart and mind to those things and maybe you'll see what they see. If you let the little things move you, you'll smile so much more. You'll have more to enjoy. Try it.

Sometimes, life is difficult. That's because it isn't all rational and logical. And in the end, that's the beauty of it.

So, let yourself get emotional. Be silly and sentimental. You only get one shot.

Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans

Yesterday, I felt like a little housewife and it felt so strange. I'd be a shit housewife, mainly on account of not being married, but also because I can't sew for shit. But I cooked, cleaned, did the food shopping, did the laundry, stitched my jacket, did a little work and at one point I stopped to think and I wish I hadn't.

When did this happen? I don't remember growing up. I don't remember becoming the kind of person who stitches jackets or gets excited about bedding and kitchenware. I suppose it happens to everybody. It must have happened while I wasn't looking.

It seems like my whole life has happened while I wasn't looking over these last few years. Here I am, last ever lecture tomorrow, all my assignments due in by the end of this month, graduation in July. Seems the only person who isn't happy for me right now is me. I can't stop crying tonight. I really, unexpectedly, don't want to leave. If you'd told me four years ago that I'd feel like this, I'd have laughed in your face. It's all happened too fast. I'd like another go, please. I'm not ready for this ride to finish just yet. I couldn't have asked for a better experience, but I'd just like to have it again. Just for another year or two.

Just a spring clean for the May queen

I don't think anybody can argue with me when I say that some of the most pleasurable things in life can be the simplest, and sometimes, the best things in life really are free.

Tomorrow and Sunday are my days off. Complete, total days off. Everything I need is here. I don't have to leave the house at all, and I won't. I will spend the evening curled up on my sofa with a good book (£1), my favourite foods, delicious chocolate for pudding (£1), and in my cosy pyjamas, under a blanket. I will drink some fizzy orange and maybe have a vodka. I will read my book, or maybe I'll watch the TV or a DVD, and I will do it by the orange glow of the heater, long after the pigeon outside my flat has to gone to bed to escape from the pitter-patter of the rain. My flat will be tidy, and for a few hours, I won't worry about anything. Then I'll go to bed to sleep for as long as I like.

Maybe next week, we'll have a lovely sunny day again. The kind of day where it's not so hot as to be uncomfortable, but it's warm enough to not need a jacket and bright enough to wear sunglasses. These are my favourite days, the kind of days where you sit in the grass and have picnics and drink cold drinks and just enjoy being outside, not complaining about the heat, not complaining about the coat, not complaining at all. Sunbathing on beaches in Barbados can never compare to a sunny day in England. The thing about our sunny days is that we never expect them and there's so few of them that it's such a brilliant surprise to wake up to warmth and sunshine, and you know you have to go outside and make the most of it, because you don't know when there'll be another day quite like that. Waking up to a sunny day and knowing I can spend it outside always puts me in a better mood. Sometimes, like everybody else, I get miserable. I get depressed. I feel like everything is a little pointless and a little hopeless and I wish I wasn't here or anywhere else. But then, a sunny day comes along, and I know that if I wasn't here, I wouldn't be able to enjoy it. I'd never be able to sit out in the sun and have a picnic and wear sunglasses. I'd never be able to get caught in a spring breeze where all the cherry blossom blows off the trees. Those are the kind of days that give you a little perspective - it really isn't all bad. If something as simple as a bit of sun can make me appreciate being alive as much as it does, then I know that it's not all pointless. Change is on that spring breeze, and it's perfectly okay to hope that it brings with it something good.

Alright, that's the mawkish stuff out of the way for a while, I hope. Normal service will resume as soon as possible.