In my first year of university, on the course I quit after a year, I met a woman.
I didn't know her very well but I remember that my friend and I were talking to her in a class once. She said, of me, to my friend "keep an eye on her; she looks so unhappy."
I don't even remember her name, but I think she knew me better than 90% of the people I've known ever did.
In the same year, on a particulary grotty November afternoon when I was particularly unhappy, I met a man.
I don't know his name. I only met him once. He told me my sparkly shoelaces brightened his day because they brought a little touch of colour and something different to such a miserable afternoon.
I don't even remember what he looked like, but I've never forgotten him. I think it's the nicest thing a stranger has ever said to me.
Wednesday, 17 June 2009
Monday, 8 June 2009
This is the blog that never ends, it just goes on and on, my friends.
I'm at my mum's with a suntan that started off as a sunburn. I'm fairly sure the sun is more dangerous to British people than it is to anybody else. Not because we burn more easily, but because we see the sun so rarely that when it does come out, we strip off all our clothes and sit outside from dusk until dawn. Old men suddenly start peeling potatoes in the garden or painting their fences and they're always topless. We all whip off the jeans, jumpers and thick coats and run around in shorts and strappy tops (or no top at all). And we'll go anywhere, as long as we're outside. My best friend and I sat on a pokey grass verge next to a main road last Monday. We had a building site in front of and behind us, a building site to the left and a building site across the road on the right. Then we went up the woods and climbed a fence, but we found an unexpected gardener so we ran away again.
Being at home is both nice and Godawful. It's nice to see my dog and my best friends and my mum, of course, but it's less nice being constantly told what to do and how to do it. I moved out four years ago and have become very used to doing things my way, so I get easily irritated when my mum tries to tell me how to do things. A while ago, my key to the back door just failed. It wouldn't work for whatever reason and I kept getting locked in and out. My mum refused to accept there was anything wrong with the key until she tried it herself and instead told me I was unlocking the door wrong! The other day, she told me I'd put the washing up water in the sink wrong. Not washed up wrong, put the water in the sink wrong.
Anyway, since the blog seems to have become "things that annoy me", here are some phrases and sentiments that get on my nerves:
1) You can achieve anything if you put your mind to it.
What? No, you can't. If I put my mind to being a giraffe, I still won't become one. I am also unlikely to fly, or even become an accountant (which is a blessing, really). This is one of those things people say without thinking about it. Some people work their arses off their whole lives to achieve something and never do, through no fault of their own. Obviously if you want to achieve something, you have to put your mind to it - I'm not faulting that - but the idea that you can achieve ANYTHING is simply not true and it's a bit of a kick in the bum for those people who have done everything they can and still not achieved what they want to.
2) When someone's ill (particularly with a terminal illness), the idea that they're 'a fighter', they're 'strong' and they're 'not giving up'.
I understand that it might seem a little harsh to say this a crock of shit, and I understand that obviously a positive attitude can be good for your health (after all, we all know that stress can contribute to, and cause, a lot of health problems). But doesn't this sentiment imply that those who have died from that particular illness were weak and DID give up? I read an interview with Jane Tomlinson's husband and while I'm sure a lot of people were saying his wife lived as long as she did because she was strong, a fighter, etc, he refused to say it - he thought it was disrespectful to the people who didn't survive for as long as she did, and he's right.
3) "If you do what you want to do, not what other people want you to do, you'll be happy."
Not necessarily true. There are plenty of things I would like to do that I'm sure my friends and family (especially family) wouldn't approve of. I want my friends' and family's approval because I love them, and I want the respect and support of those I love. Who doesn't? It doesn't mean I won't do those things, but it doesn't mean I won't be totally happy for as long as I'm getting disapproving looks and mutters from people I love every time I mention what I'm doing.
This can happen even over the mildest choices. Have you ever been in a restaurant and ordered something unusual or something that looks unappetising to your companions? The food is delicious, but you don't really enjoy it because they sit there commenting on it through the entire meal.
When I got my lip pierced, I was so happy - I'd wanted it done for ages and was thrilled. My mother really, really wasn't, and being around her complaining about it all the time made me a lot less happy about it. I couldn't enjoy it when she was moaning about it.
I'm a vegetarian. I have been for seven years. I like being a vegetarian. It's what I want to do. It makes me happy. But I often don't tell people unless I need to, because the piss-taking and the jeers and the attempts some people make to get vegetarians to eat meat do not make me happy.
And, on a note slightly more relevant to the original purpose of this blog, a year or so ago I applied for a particular job. I didn't get it, but this year I'll be applying again. My mum likes the idea of this job (probably because it's a JOB), but I told one of my friends and she gave me a filthy look. A month or so ago, out of nowhere, she said, "but you don't want to do that job, do you? You don't want to do it all your life. You should apply at some agencies, you can do some receptionist work!" I never said anything to her about not wanting to do the job - it was her that didn't like the idea of me doing it. One person's pulling in one direction, one person's pulling in another, no matter what I do, someone'll disapprove.
As long as people insist of taking such interest in other people's lives (to the point of being controlling), most of us won't be totally happy doing what we want to do if those around us don't approve of it. How happy can you be when you're constantly being told you're wrong? We all need love, respect, approval and support from the people around us in order to be happy.
On a more positive note, I'm off for a lovely meal with my best friends on Wednesday. It's an excuse to put on a pretty dress, do my hair and gossip, and as long as nobody asks me "so, what're you going to do with your life now?", I'll be perfectly happy.
Being at home is both nice and Godawful. It's nice to see my dog and my best friends and my mum, of course, but it's less nice being constantly told what to do and how to do it. I moved out four years ago and have become very used to doing things my way, so I get easily irritated when my mum tries to tell me how to do things. A while ago, my key to the back door just failed. It wouldn't work for whatever reason and I kept getting locked in and out. My mum refused to accept there was anything wrong with the key until she tried it herself and instead told me I was unlocking the door wrong! The other day, she told me I'd put the washing up water in the sink wrong. Not washed up wrong, put the water in the sink wrong.
Anyway, since the blog seems to have become "things that annoy me", here are some phrases and sentiments that get on my nerves:
1) You can achieve anything if you put your mind to it.
What? No, you can't. If I put my mind to being a giraffe, I still won't become one. I am also unlikely to fly, or even become an accountant (which is a blessing, really). This is one of those things people say without thinking about it. Some people work their arses off their whole lives to achieve something and never do, through no fault of their own. Obviously if you want to achieve something, you have to put your mind to it - I'm not faulting that - but the idea that you can achieve ANYTHING is simply not true and it's a bit of a kick in the bum for those people who have done everything they can and still not achieved what they want to.
2) When someone's ill (particularly with a terminal illness), the idea that they're 'a fighter', they're 'strong' and they're 'not giving up'.
I understand that it might seem a little harsh to say this a crock of shit, and I understand that obviously a positive attitude can be good for your health (after all, we all know that stress can contribute to, and cause, a lot of health problems). But doesn't this sentiment imply that those who have died from that particular illness were weak and DID give up? I read an interview with Jane Tomlinson's husband and while I'm sure a lot of people were saying his wife lived as long as she did because she was strong, a fighter, etc, he refused to say it - he thought it was disrespectful to the people who didn't survive for as long as she did, and he's right.
3) "If you do what you want to do, not what other people want you to do, you'll be happy."
Not necessarily true. There are plenty of things I would like to do that I'm sure my friends and family (especially family) wouldn't approve of. I want my friends' and family's approval because I love them, and I want the respect and support of those I love. Who doesn't? It doesn't mean I won't do those things, but it doesn't mean I won't be totally happy for as long as I'm getting disapproving looks and mutters from people I love every time I mention what I'm doing.
This can happen even over the mildest choices. Have you ever been in a restaurant and ordered something unusual or something that looks unappetising to your companions? The food is delicious, but you don't really enjoy it because they sit there commenting on it through the entire meal.
When I got my lip pierced, I was so happy - I'd wanted it done for ages and was thrilled. My mother really, really wasn't, and being around her complaining about it all the time made me a lot less happy about it. I couldn't enjoy it when she was moaning about it.
I'm a vegetarian. I have been for seven years. I like being a vegetarian. It's what I want to do. It makes me happy. But I often don't tell people unless I need to, because the piss-taking and the jeers and the attempts some people make to get vegetarians to eat meat do not make me happy.
And, on a note slightly more relevant to the original purpose of this blog, a year or so ago I applied for a particular job. I didn't get it, but this year I'll be applying again. My mum likes the idea of this job (probably because it's a JOB), but I told one of my friends and she gave me a filthy look. A month or so ago, out of nowhere, she said, "but you don't want to do that job, do you? You don't want to do it all your life. You should apply at some agencies, you can do some receptionist work!" I never said anything to her about not wanting to do the job - it was her that didn't like the idea of me doing it. One person's pulling in one direction, one person's pulling in another, no matter what I do, someone'll disapprove.
As long as people insist of taking such interest in other people's lives (to the point of being controlling), most of us won't be totally happy doing what we want to do if those around us don't approve of it. How happy can you be when you're constantly being told you're wrong? We all need love, respect, approval and support from the people around us in order to be happy.
On a more positive note, I'm off for a lovely meal with my best friends on Wednesday. It's an excuse to put on a pretty dress, do my hair and gossip, and as long as nobody asks me "so, what're you going to do with your life now?", I'll be perfectly happy.
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